I screwed up the first impression with a man whose work I admire. I wasn’t ready to meet with him. I knew it. He knew it. The moment I got home and my wife asked me how it went, I told her I didn’t think I would ever hear from him again. When I began writing in earnest a few months later though, he reached out and left the first-ever comment on an article I wrote.

“You have one minute to tell me why I’m here and another minute to tell me why I should stay!” When my dad was starting out in his career, he was asked to give a presentation to the bigwigs in his organization during an extremely sensitive time. As you can imagine, when the biggest wig of all stopped him five minutes into his talk, my dad was frazzled. In the end, he pulled himself together and was later commended for telling them exactly what they needed to know and not a word more.

“Zoe, What’s up? You’re beaming!” “You’re not going to believe it,” Zoe replied wearing a smile as wide as the sky. “I’ve finally gotten paid from the company I told you about in the United States for my designs. It basically doubled my monthly income. That’s not even the best part: I was offered a three-year contract. The owner of the company told me to expect the same pay, if not more, each month going forward.

“Think before you speak,” I told my 6-year-old son, Liam, earlier this week. I immediately regretted saying it as it’s often a generic phrase that parents give their kids when they say something rude, and I know I didn’t like hearing it when I was young. Regardless, I’m glad I said it because instead of nodding his head and scurrying away to play, Liam stopped and asked me an interesting question: “What should I be thinking about before I speak?

Just a friendly reminder to never circle back to these phrases again, kiddo! “Actions speak louder than words!” There’s a lot of truth to this expression. But our words still hold tremendous power. This is particularly true since a high percentage of our conversations have moved to video and we can only see people from the neck up. When it comes to keeping our relationships tight, keeping track of the phrases that light people up is a valuable exercise.

Recently I came across a statistic that caught me off gaurd. According to research performed by persuasion expert Daniel Pink in his book “To Sell Is Human,” 41 percent of the average person’s workday consists of influencing, persuading, and convincing the people around us. This statistic may seem high, but it makes perfect sense. From being offered opportunities and getting your ideas to fly, to convincing your kids in an effective manner to pick up after themselves, persuasion is all around us and it plays a key role in both our personal and professional lives.

Like a lot of people who end up being great at their job, Robin Dreeke became obsessed with learning how to better connect with people because initially, he wasn’t very good at it. As his career advanced, this drive served him well. Prior to starting his own executive coaching business, People Formula, Robin led the FBI’s Counterintelligence Behavioral Analysis Program. When it comes to creating connections with people and building trust, Robin’s learnings run deep.

I received the ultimate “Can I pick your brain?” email. Quarantine had just begun here in Spain, but I was already feeling burned out from everyone’s initial infatuation with Zoom. “Is it cool if we just do an old-fashioned phone call?” I replied. “I’d prefer video,” the man immediately shot back. “There’s something cool I’d like to show you.” I wanted to insist, but after giving him a warning that my apartment wasn’t very big and I didn’t always get to chose when my youngest son cries, I gave in.

There’s a lot to gripe about. Here’s how to complain more productively. A while back, when in-person gatherings were still a thing, my wife and I were hanging out with a couple we hadn’t seen in a while. When we said our goodbyes, I immediately began grumbling about how much they complained about everything. My wife just looked at me in confusion. “Are you listening to yourself?” she asked. Oh.

Courtesy of de-escalation expert, George J. Thompson When it comes to both relationships and communication, I never would have imagined that the most valuable book I’d ever read would be written by a cop. But the late George J. Thompson — aka “Doc Rhino” — wasn’t just any cop. The man was seriously accomplished and the true definition of a “Warrior Poet.” Prior to joining the force, the talented martial artist — holding a Black Belt in both Judo and Taekwando — taught English at both the high-school and university level before receiving his post-doctorate from Princeton in rhetoric and persuasion.

To make an impact, being self-motivated is essential. However, no matter how much grit you possess, you’ll never reach your full potential if you’re unable to motivate others to take action. Eager to find out which phrases effectively persuaded others, behavioral psychologist, Dr. Nicolas Guéguen from the University of Southern Brittany, ran a series of tests to uncover how we can best influence the people around us. For his research, Nicolas approached 640 people on the street in France and asked them in a number of different ways to make a donation for a children’s hospital.

My wife and I had been married for about a year when we started having disagreements pretty frequently. Nothing we couldn’t get through, but the disputes became draining and were taking a toll on our relationship. One day, after arguing about something I can’t even remember, I called my mom to vent. She listened to me go on and on, and when I was finally done, she gave me this advice: “Michael, if you want to have a successful marriage, you have to eat a lot of bananas.

I’ve reached that weird stage in my life where I want the people around me to be happy and feel good about themselves. I’ve spent the majority of my life wanting people to think that I’m special. Flipping the script, and doing what I can to make other people feel special has taken some getting used to. Perhaps the most effective exercise I’ve developed during this time is paying attention to the little words and phrases I’ve either heard or said that light people up.

On a typical New York City day, David J. Polly grabbed a cab en route to Grand Central Station. A few minutes into the ride, a car jumped lanes and if it hadn’t been for the quick reflexes of his driver, they would’ve had an accident. It took David a minute to regain his composure. But seconds later he came to the edge of losing it again when the reckless driver started throwing f-bombs at David’s driver.

Growing up, legendary investor Warren Buffett was terrified of speaking in public. However, he realized he’d never make the type of impact that he wanted if he didn’t take the steps to get his communication skills tight. As a result, while attending graduate school at Columbia, he decided to sign-up for a Dale Carnegie public speaking course. On the first day of the course, Warren’s nerves got the best of him and he didn’t go.

Being an effective communicator isn’t only about what you say My business partner and I were visiting the United States from Spain in order to get legs under our latest project. During a meeting with a potential investor, my partner constantly struggled to find the right words. He knew our pitch, but his English just wasn’t up to par. Time and time again I jumped in and I finished his sentences.

Three exercises to help you choose thoughtfulness over rage My son and I were having breakfast, and he did something two-year-olds often do: He spilled his milk. Before the liquid even flowed off the table and dripped onto the floor, I verbally lost my temper in a way I’m ashamed of. And my reaction petrified him. Our words hold power, both good and bad. Every time you yell at someone or demean them, you are hurting them.

Your career forms one relationship at a time, not from one job to the next For over a decade, master interviewer and Esquire columnist Cal Fussman traveled the world on a shoe-string budget. When Tim Ferriss, a legendary interviewer in his own right, asked Cal how he was able to do this, Cal shared a story. At the beginning of his journey, Cal was traveling through Hungary, and he was eager to learn about the country and the people in it.

Use this set of easy no-fail conversation starters to build relationships with new friends and colleagues, anywhere, in any situation Growing up, I had a severe speech impediment. I had an especially hard time with words that began with the letter “m.” My name is Michael. As you might imagine, I was terrified of meeting new people. I got over it by taking a sales job. Although I was nervous (and it showed) for the first few months, forcing myself to test ways of starting conversations improved my confidence and boosted my career.